I have, quite by accident (I won't apologize for the pun), found the best circumstances for being hit by an inebriated automobilist. I thought I would share so that if you are ever able to plan ahead for such an event you will know how to set it all up. The following is one set of circumstances which, if met, will ensure that event will be a complete success:
1. Be on business travel so your company insurance will pay for everything.
2. Be in a rental car. This way you can simply exchange the damaged car for another rental, take 20 minutes to file a damage report, and then never have to see or deal with the problem again.
3. Be in a lot of traffic so the intoxicated driver cannot accumulate enough speed to cause any injuries.
4. Have the DUI driver be in a small sedan
5. Ensure that the tipsy small-statured male driver first hits the rear wheel of a young lady's large truck, thereby absorbing most of the impact energy through malleable deformations to his own automobile, causing little or no damage to the truck's tire, and causing his own automobile to literally bounce off the large tire in such a way as to begin to roll over.
6. Conclude the accident portion of the scenario with your own serviceable act of placing your rental car (unintentionally of course) in the path of the rolling car so as to prevent him from completely roll over. In this way you have been "hit" by the drunk driver, causing significant cosmetic mutilation to your rental car, but no serious structural damage or personal injury.
7. You can then add to your service by casually getting out of your car (in the middle of the busy, though stagnated by traffic, freeway) and assist the offending driver out of his car through his passenger window.
Among the obvious advantages of these "ideal" circumstances is the difficulty, even inability of the the imbibed party to perform a "hit and run". It's hard to drive away while your car is sitting on its door. If you can think of better circumstances, please let me know.
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3 comments:
My circumstances include a young driver who begged her parents to stay out past curfew and then was so naive she didn't even recognize what drunk was when it hit her head on. Needless to say it is frightening to see the person you were involved in an accident with put in handcuffs and not understanding why this was so, wondering if you are next. Moral of the story is, know what a drunk is like and don’t beg your parents for an extended curfew.
P.S. - what is up with this comment moderation thing? Are you afraid I am going to use my foul language on your blog? I'll try to be good. But really, this blog entry was very funny. Glad you didn't get hurt.
My apologies to both commenters (I like to make up words almost as much as I like using words that I don't entirely understand). The moderation thing was a default setting when I started, and I didn't know what it was -- so I didn't change it. I think I've fixed it. Now you are free to shoot off your foul mouths all you want -- at least until I can get back to the blog and delete the offending comments.
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